I would like to find what I want to do in my life

How to make money doing what I would like to do, as precisely as I can

Although this time I am not obligated to figure anything out for sure,

And I might not find it

But I would like to find it

Work towards it

Walk towards it

Approach it

Equal it

I know what I like and what I don't like

Although I sometimes mess up

But, still I do not have enough knowledge, or confidence

Or I have not put the puzzle together yet

Just want the sunlight

And to find my path

And in sha Allah to make it come true :)

Sooo.... lol it's been five years since my last post

In 2020 I am now a student at Texas Christian University :)

Its crazy because I have the urge to write like 2015 me but I realize I don't write like that anymore, also I want to use emojis the laughing one especially

Also it's crazy that the 2015 me was in harmony and had no idea she would be a junior at TCU right now, studying mathematics and middle eastern studies! Which is pretty cool ngl

Wow so I'm not that bubbly careless girl as I was in 2015 lol, or maybe I am but I don't display it? Idk I guess I'm more grounded or whatever

Anyway my plans for today is to figure out my fashion in my wardrobe and figure out how to dress and what to buy and get rid of and what not :)

Oh! and also I am learning German and I might learn Arabic next year! Which is cool also :D

Also, I finally lost weight lol kind of skinny, I was even skinner a few months ago!

Well okay a lot has changed, maybe hope to see you soon blog! It's going to be March 1 in one hour and 1o minutes, and it was nice seeing you five years later :) <3

GOOD MORROW TO ALL :) <3

It's is 10:23 in the morning currently and...

I want to write all things I want to spend the following day :)

Start from the right foot . . . ;)

So.. first of all- I don't want to be bored or regretful

Now I'm going to drink tea with baklava and my mom :)

Then I mite go buy adidas track pants and go to the gym :)))

It will be nice I hope.. and then I will go over school stuff.. maybe text my friends and play computer games.

So anyway guys.. I have to go now and I wish you all a wonderful day! :) xoxo <3

Hello!! :)

It's been soooo long since my last post....

Anyway... a lot has changed since October when I started this blog-

  

It's now March and I have new worries to worry about"

• i made an Instagram
• stopped doing chapter outlines
• eat like crazy
• consider the joy of starving
• I suddenly became funny at school
• medium hair length and medium bangs
• drifted apart from close friend
• hopping to shift back together with close friend
• another close friend is moving away to different country forever
• I can start buying more clothes as I like
• I might start driving
• I'm Turkish drama obsessed
• I struggle with Physics
• started new funny drama and just omg - Ask Yeniden
• wan to be like Zeynep and have her fate
• talking to relatives by Skype
• worried about fate of brother
• want little beings, Sony PlayStation, and adidas pants
• so many things in mind but there is nothing

so I guess you get the picture.......................its actually not bad over all

oh and one more thing.......im considering studying to become a mariner

and i watch funny youtubers a lot

and  idk

Today's topic is "Perfectioinists"

There's this guy in my class that's like sooooo genius and talented, skinny, tall, Moroccan, and has a clever answer for everything....I just wish to be a girl version of him. I don't know why... I just do. I want to have perfect SAT scores and 5's for my AP exams and everything. I want to play piano professionally at concerts, be skinny and fit, and have witty responses that makes others laugh.

 But I need to remind myself that these goals are only picturesque...meaning they're delusional. What's legit is the time you take to work, spend your energy and take small steps towards the perfect images. Smallest steps are underestimated- some are really not easy- smallest are actually, i thing, the hardest. It's when you decide to not eat that little extra chocolate or candy and drink water instead, or read a paragraph and new vocabulary instead of watching a YouTube video. I mean we all think it won't matter, but it matters most.

People live not to enjoy, but to struggle. To my opinion, it is the truth. I mean, do we really live to spend 5 minutes to eat a meal? Food takes so little time, free time would soon turn to boredom, a favorite song would become annoying within 2 days. These joys come and go, not caring of us. But don't we spend 8 hours at school and work? Don't we spend hours exercising, making projects, cleaning and etc? The only ways to live happily and save your nerves is to fall in love with what gives you a challenge. To live life is to fight. But you better find something to fight for...

Well.. so as for me, my biggest challenges are: eating right amounts of food after school, not eating after 7 p.m, doing my homework on time, studying ,exercising, sleeping well, and socializing. I need to take steps to better myself. Thankfully, I have something to fight for. I really want to become a strong fighter. I wont to become stronger, and the rewards are just there to encourage me. It's important to stop being ignorant. 

Lots of love ~ happy fighting you guys!

Today is Friday,

Today I want to write about the stupid things people do without purpose...I mean, why do simple, stupid mistakes when you can do something meaningful instead? Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same over and over and expecting different results. I can surely relate to that today- why did I have to eat that 220 calorie grand chocolate chip cookie before going to bed? Did I have to? Was it temptation or the stupid nature of boredom? I can already feel my face form zits and hurt): And it's not just today- pretty much almost every day. I mean I wasn't hungry- I don't even think I wanted it, but I ate it and now regret it. What to do? This happens every day- to my life. It prevents the better things that I would've acquired. Instead of eating that cookie with bad conscience and than worry afterwards and plus dream of what could be- I could be thinking of more meaningful subjects- world issues, important peoples and creatures, personal problems, philosophy, and everything. Honestly, how can I sleep with such conscience? How amazing- I have water, food, peace, opportunities, bed, and time- what else do I need? I need to get over myself- I need to eliminate my inner devil.

Perhaps only this can help me.

Hello :)

Today I didn't go to school and take my PSAT because I had a high fever in the morning. I felt as if my bones were gonna break and my head fall off. The weakness and nausea overpowered me.

Anyway, now it's almost 6 p.m. and all I can think about is how education is important to every human. I believe everyone has the right to be educated. Sadly, today it is so underrated in the western world. Young people do not realize the importance of their future and education. They also don't realize how lucky they are to have free education. I think it's a gift from God if you're in love with learning and education, because this would empower you with ambition and passion. I feel like I need to fall in love with education- this way I could live a better life with a purpose.

But where do I start? By reading? Most books on my shelf are so uninteresting to me and seem useless. I like reading philosophy and history...but it's often written in books that are difficult and confusing to read. Learning in school? I sometimes find cool information while studying for school but school is also a headache.

I just need to start and continue. Hmm, there's so much to do. If I really want it I should be really serious about it. If I just be passionate right now and then forget some moment later I would certainly fail.

Wether you realize it or not... education is power. Everyone should have the right to education. I need to be brave and intelligent. Beauty doesn't even dare to come close to value of education- it is way far behind. What matters is my morales and intelligence. Everything else can wait. That's it.